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Nikah
The marriage contract is signed in a Nikah ceremony, in which the groom or his representative proposes to the bride in front of at least two witnesses, stating the details of the Meher (DOWRY). The bride and groom demonstrate their free will by repeating the word Qabul (“I accept,” in Arabic) three times. Then the couple and two male witnesses sign the contract, making the marriage legal according to civil and religious law. Following traditional Islamic customs, the bride and groom may share a piece of sweet fruit, such as a date. If men and women are separated for the ceremony, a male representative called a wali acts in the bride’s behalf during the Nikah.
The only requirement for Muslim weddings is the signing of a marriage contract. Marriage traditions differ depending on culture, Islamic sect and observance of gender separation rules. Most marriages are not held in mosques, and men and women remain separate during the ceremony and reception. Since Islam sanctions no official clergy, any Muslim who understands Islamic tradition can officiate a wedding. If you are having your wedding in a mosque, many have marriage officers who can oversee the marriage.
Vows and Blessings
The officiant may add an additional religious ceremony following the Nikah, which usually includes a recitation of the Fatihah – the first chapter of the Quran — and Durud (blessings). Most Muslim couples do not recite vows; rather, they listen as their officiant speaks about the meaning of marriage and their responsibilities to each other and to Allah. However, some Muslim brides and grooms do say vows, such as this common recitation:
Bride: “I, (bride’s name) offer you myself in marriage in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife.”
Groom: “I pledge, in honesty and sincerity, to be for you a faithful and helpful husband.”
The Islamic Marriage Ceremony and Beyond
Once a couple has accepted each other as a marriage partner, there is much to plan. This article describes the components of an Islamic wedding with the intention of providing those who are about to marry with an idea of what they can expect and the meaning of each event.
First of all, they need to consult their families and set a date! The couple should discuss their wishes and expectations with both families before setting to work, deciding upon a budget, and organizing all that is required. Do you wish to hold the Nikah at home or at the Masjid? Will you require a separate civil ceremony? Who will you invite? Where will you hold the Walima? All this, and more, requires careful consideration.
Al-Nikah: the Islamic Marriage Ceremony
The Nikah is a simple ceremony in which a man and woman declare their commitment to one another as husband and wife. It is a holy contract to which both must agree and it is considered an act of worship (Ibadeh).
In the very simplest form of the ceremony, there is the Al-ljab- wal-Qubul (offer and acceptance) only, when the Wali (woman’s guardian in marriage) offers the bride to the groom, who then accepts. The Wali may say: “I give you my daughter/the girl in my guardianship in marriage in accordance to the Islamic Shari’ah in the presence of the witnesses here with the dowry agreed upon. And Allah is our best witness.”
The husband-to-be replies with: “I accept marrying your daughter/guard giving her name to myself in accordance to the Islamic Shari’ah in the presence of the witnesses here with the dowry agreed upon. And Allah is our best witness.” The ceremony is then complete.
However, Islam encourages its followers to announce a marriage and to celebrate this wonderful relationship between a man and a woman. The Nikah is also a social activity. The Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم) said: “Declare this marriage, have it in the mosque and beat the drums.”
Despite being a religious ceremony, the Nikah does not need to take place in a mosque. That is a matter of personal choice. However, you will be required to hold a separate civil ceremony. Sometimes, men and women sit separately at the Nikah. They may be in a separate room or there may be a partition between them. Again, this is a matter of preference.
All that is required for Nikah is:
- the consent of both parties;
- two witnesses (Ash Shuhud), who have attained adulthood and are good Muslims of sound mind (usually two males or a male and two females); and
- the payment of Mahr (dowry or marriage gift) by the groom to the bride. Mahr will be discussed in greater detail later in this article.
Also important to the Nikah, but not required by law, are:
- the presence of the bride’s legal guardian (Wali);
- a written marriage contract (Aqd-Nikah) which is signed by the bride, groom and witnesses;
- a responsible person to officiate the ceremony, most often an Imam;
- a sermon (Khutba-tun-Nikah) to bless the marriage
The marriage contract documents are recorded with the mosque and registered with local government, thus fulfilling the civil obligations of the marriage. Without this, the marriage would not be recognized under British law and the legal rights of the spouse, such as inheritance, would not be valid.
Sermon
The marriage sermon (Khutba-tun-Nikah) is a way of blessing the marriage and begins by praising Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى). “There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger”, the Muslim confession of faith, is then declared. The main body of the sermon comprises three verses from the holy Qur’an (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Hadith:
“By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me.”
The ceremony draws to a close with Du’a (prayer) for the bride and groom, their families, the local Muslim community and the Muslim community as a whole (Ummah).
Mahr (Dowry)
It is written in the Qur’an that Mahr must form part of the marriage contract. The groom gives mahr to his bride as a demonstration of his commitment to her and to providing for her. It can take the form of money, property or possessions. There is no set amount, although moderation is recommended, and the gift is agreed between the bride and the groom.
“And give the women their dowries as a free gift, but if they are pleased to offer you any of it accept it with happiness and with wholesome pleasure.” [Qur’an 4:4]
The groom may pay the mahr before he marries, at the time of marriage, or at a later date, as agreed with his bride. The mahr can even be postponed indefinitely. However, it will become payable immediately in the case of divorce or death. The amount and method of payment is written into a contract, which is signed by the bride, groom and their witnesses. Following this, the Aqd-Nikah is announced to all who attend the Nikah.
Traditionally, Mahr would reflect the social status of the bride’s family. However, these days, the giving of mahr is seen mainly as a symbol. No one wants to begin married life burdened with debt and, equally, Islam does not wish to prevent men from getting married simply because they cannot afford an expensive Dowry.
Walima: the marriage banquet
The wedding banquet (Walima) is traditionally held by the groom after the Nikah has taken place. It may take place immediately following the Nikah, on the following day, the following week or at a future date, but the purpose of the banquet is for family and friends to share in the groom’s happiness on the occasion of his marriage and to give thanks to Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى).
The Prophet Muhammad (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم) encouraged Muslims to accept invitations to attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts: “…and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet”.
The Walima need not be wildly expensive. Islam emphasizes moderation and it is sensible to keep this in mind. Beginning married life with a huge debt, or to burden the families with debt, owing to an extravagant Walima, is unlikely to give you the best start. It is an occasion to celebrate the happiness of the newlyweds and competing with what you may have experienced at a friend or relative’s Walima will most likely lead to escalating costs and detract from the occasion. The Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم) said: “The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed.”
The Walima gives family members and friends the opportunity to congratulate the happy couple: the bride is congratulated by the women around her and by her family and friends; the groom receives the congratulations of men. The newlyweds are also presented with gifts. It is believed that gifts given willingly will strengthen the relationships between people. Therefore, it is important to keep gifts affordable. The Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم) said: “Exchange gifts, strengthen your love of one another.”
Other traditions
A Mangni (engagement ceremony) may take place once the couple has accepted each other for marriage. It is provides an opportunity for the two families to come together and for the couple to exchange rings, if they so wish. The outfit of the bride-to-be is traditionally provided by the groom’s family.
It is traditional for the bride to hold a Mendhi ceremony, usually at home, shortly before the wedding. The groom’s family provides the Henna, which is applied to the bride’s hands and feet. Following the application of Mendhi, the bride does not leave the house until the Nikah. Her wedding clothes are also provided by the groom’s family.
It is not a religious requirement for the bride and groom to exchange rings in marriage; however it has become tradition. Gold jewellery is acceptable for women only, although silver rings may be worn by men or women.
The wedding night
Anticipation of the wedding night can be a cause of wedding day nerves for most newlyweds, but do try not to let any apprehension spoil your special day. If you know what is expected on this special night, you can reduce the feelings of uncertainty. The Prophet Muhammad (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم) has described for us ways in which the wedding night can be fulfilling and enjoyable.
The Sunnah encourages the groom to place his hands upon his wife’s head and to pray for her. In the words of the Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم): “O Allah, I ask You her goodness, and the goodness of the inborn dispositions which You have given her, and I solicit Your protection from her evil, and the evil of the inborn dispositions which You have given her.”
It is preferable that the groom leads his wife in two Raka’at (units of prayer) before asking of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) what they wish for themselves. The Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم) suggested: “O Allah, bless my wife for me, and bless me for her. O Allah, unite between us in good, and if You separate us, separate us in good.”
The groom should treat his bride with kindness and it is the Sunnah to offer her something to eat or drink. Foreplay is essential: take time to kiss and touch. The Prophet said: “One of you should not fall upon his wife like the way an animal does, let there be a messenger between them.”
Nakedness is allowed but, to preserve modesty, it is preferred if the couple is covered by a sheet, as described by the Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم): “Verily Allah is modest and discreet and He likes modesty and discretion.”
Take things slowly and gently. Listen to each other and discover what feels good. Like most things in life, sex gets better with practice, so take comfort in the fact that you will soon discover what your partner likes and dislikes. When a woman loses her virginity it may be a bit painful and there may be some blood, but this is not always the case. If you ensure that there has been sufficient foreplay before intercourse, this should make penetration more comfortable.
It is a Sunnah to pray before intercourse: “In the name of Allah. O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep Shaytan away from (the offspring) that which You grant us.”
You are free to have intercourse in any position you choose and as often as you choose.
After sex, couples are advised to bath or shower (Ghusl) or, at the very least, wash themselves (Wudhu). The Prophet (Sall Allahu ‘Alayhe wa Alihi wa Sallam صلى الله عليه و اله و سلم) also said: “If one of you had intercourse with his wife and then wants to come to her again, it is better for him to perform Wudhu, for it gives him vigor to come again.”
More information on intercourse can be found in our article on Marital Etiquette. This also covers what acts are considered Haram.
The Islamic Burial
Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return” – The Holy Quran 2:155-156
Funeral Director, Mohammad Sabzerou is experienced in providing quality funeral services. Under his direction, the mortuary has remained in compliance with all state regulations regarding proper funeral and burial arrangements as well as health and safety codes. Our team is available to help family members through the funeral process and can provide the deceased’s family with the Consumer’s Guide to Funerals and Cemetery Purchases prepared by the California Department of Consumer Affairs and Cemetery Bureau, as well as a general price list of goods and services offered by ISOC’s mortuary.
Orange County Muslim Burial Contact List:
- Pre-burial Washing facilities available on-site at Olive Tree Mortuary.
- For 24 Hour Burial Services, please call Brother Mohammad Sabzerou at Tel 949-923-1008. Please note that Cost of burial is est. $4,000
- To Register Death & Obtain Certificate, please contact OC Clerk-Recorder’s office located at Laguna Hills Civic Center, 24031 El Toro Rd., Ste 150, Laguna Hills, CA 92653; Hours 9:00am – 4:00pm Mon-Fri; Tel (714) 834-2500;
- For Funeral Prayers & Grievance Couseling, call OCIF at 949-595-0480 or visit the Administration Office on 23581 Madero Drive, Suite 101, Mission Viejo, CA 92691
Ghusl & Kafan Materials to Purchase (Olive Tree Mortuary can provide these to you):
- White un-stitched sheets (7ft x 7ft): 3 for males, 5 for females
- Warm water, soap and camphor sidr/attar
- Washcloths and towels
- Hygienic material: mask, gloves, disposable gowns, etc
- Cardboard box to place the body in after Ghusl